After I came out to my mother, my life didn't get any easier, things got much, much worse. Since I was still living at home I was under surveillance at all times. She started to complain about every single move I made. I would walk into the kitchen and she would say, " Why, do you walk like that? You never walked like that before." We would be having a pleasant conversation and out of the blue she would say, "Why do you talk like that? Why do you gesture with your hands like that? You never used to act this way before." It was very annoying. In public, I wasn't allowed to look at anybody, as soon as she would suspect that I was looking at someone, holy-moly! The question master would come out, "Who is that? How do you know them? Why are you looking at them?" Yikes. It got to the point where I would just look down every time I was with her.
Sometimes I would argue with her, "Mother!" I would say, "I'am not acting any different, I've always walked like this, I've always talked this way. I'am sorry if I'am offending you, but what do you want me to do? I haven't changed, you're just finally noticing the things about me that you were choosing to ignore." And, I repeated this speech on numerous occasions. Sometimes I would ignore her, literally I would just walk away...well, I would roll my eyes and sashay away like the classy broad that I was.
Her denial was falling apart, her overtly feminine, straight son was now this flamboyant, raging queen prancing around the house like he was Miss America. She was getting desperate. She would wait up for me every time I would go out which is normal for a parent to do. However, aside from being worried about my safety, she was also worried about the "dirty" things I was doing. I'am no victim in this story friends, I was very mean to my mother. I would go out and stay out all night and I wouldn't come home until early in the morn, sometimes 5:00 a.m., sometimes 7:00 a.m., and I wasn't even twenty one years old yet. Every time she would always ask the same questions, "I know the bars and clubs close at 2:00 a.m., what are you doing after that? Where do you hang out?"and I would always respond with, "Do you really want to know what I was doing at three in the morning mother?" Then the look of death would appear on her face and I would giggle because alot of those crazy nights were spent at a restaurant. I was at Taco Bell or Whataburger and that's where my friends and I were being "dirty". It was innocent but since she was thinking otherwise I would just let her imagination run. "Take that!!" I would say to myself, "What do you think I was doing all night? Don't you know me at all?" It hurt me, her thoughts of what she thought I was doing hurt me. At the same time I couldn't help but feel a little sad inside because I was torturing my mother. But, she started it so I followed suit.
One time she invited a woman over to the house to meet me. Good Lord. I was at home one day and I had just gotten out of the shower so I was looking pretty sexy...not really, and my mother starts calling me into the living room. For people that do not know me I must point out that I have some vanity issues. I hate looking like crap in front of people, one of my mottos in life is to always look fabulous at all times. Anyway, I had just gotten out of the shower, and I'am wearing an old t-shirt and shorts (that didn't match), with no product in my hair, and I go into the living room and there's my mother sitting on the couch with this woman. My first reaction is, "fuck, I look like shit" as I stand there annoyed. So she very lovingly starts to introduce me to this young woman. Immediately I knew what my she was doing. My annoyance just kept growing, especially because I felt like this woman had some serious mental issues but that was just my first impression. She started acting really shy and giddy which was weird because I had heard her talking to my mom very confidently before I walked into the room and I swear she almost pissed in her pants when I said, "Hello" so I felt really awkward. Now I'am not ashamed to admit that it is very obvious that I'am gay. I'am very feminine and graceful so this girl's gay-dar must have been off that day because it was clear she liked me. Anyway, she starts talking to me real fast and nervous, asking me about school or work, who knows what, and the whole time she's talking I'am plotting revenge on my mother. I thought to myself, "what can I do to piss her off, hmm" So then it dawned on me, I knew what to do. So, I let this girl babble on for a few more minutes and then I interrupt her and say, "Oh my God! I love your shoes, where did you get them?" My mother immediately stares at me with the look of death. She replies with a giggle, "Aww thank you! I got them at Payless" in which I replay, " Yes...I know" and then I excuse myself and go to my room.
In my room, I can still hear them talking and I'am listening in on the conversation. This woman told my mother how handsome she thought I was...this woman is crazy. Once I hear the her leave I go into the living room ready to battle with my mother. She's very calm at this point and she looks at me and smiles."Isn't my friend pretty?" she asks, "Don't you just love her hair? She is so pretty. It was cute because when she left she made a joke and called me her mother-in-law, isn't that funny? " I was trying to remain calm so I just agreed with her, I tell her that I thought this woman was quite lovely and then I asked why she came. "Oh, well she had to drop off an order-form for some products and I told her I had a handsome son so she wanted to meet you." My patience all of a sudden just disappeared so I shouted, "For the love of God, Mother!! I'am gay!! You introducing me to a woman is not going to turn me straight no matter how pretty she is which by the way I feel like if I were straight, I could do better!!" My mother is still very calm, she continues,"I know you're gay, I do, I just thought you and her might get along, her and her husband aren't doing very well so she needs a friend." "Husband?" I shouted. "You mean to tell me you invited a woman over to meet me and she's married? You invited a married woman to come and meet me? A married woman? Oh, so not only do you want me to be straight but you want me to be the other guy?! What the hell is wrong with you?!" She doesn't respond. She just looks at me with a smile and then she stands up from her chair and then says,"I think she's nice" and walks away. This just left me dumb founded and I just sat there in the living room for a few minutes alone.
Looking back at these moments I'am now in a good place in my life where I can remember these moments and laugh. Not going to lie friends, not all those nights were innocent, but I'm sure they weren't half as bad as she thought they were...well some may have been but that's another story, never mind. Anyway, I do want to point out that my mother wasn't all horrible. She tried to be rational about my fabulousness. I didn't mention this earlier but when I told her I was gay, after all the arguing and crying occurred she did tell me this, she said, "Mijo, I love you and I will always love you. You could be a murderer, a drug addict, a thief and I would still love you, you're my son and there is nothing you could do to make me stop loving you." Granted, it sounded like she was comparing being gay with being pure evil but I understood what she was trying to say. She loved me no matter what, I could do no wrong and although she was still hoping that my phase would go away, she still loved me. I've said this before, my mom and I are doing much better now but the process was painful. For awhile I felt that I would have to end my relationship with her, that her and I would never be on the same wave length. Thank heavens I was wrong. Until next time friends, stay fabulous!
No comments:
Post a Comment